I have a pretty big decision to make and I am on the fence. Often times when I can’t make up my mind about something it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared of what people will think and say because of my actions.
With this decision in particular, it started out as a thing to better myself and then it turned into impressing people…. TOXIC! That isn’t good at all, I am such a little people pleaser and I get a huge amount of satisfaction when people are not only happy with me but impressed. I know, I need to learn this lesson and grow. The problem I’m facing is that it did start out as something for me, just me and it warped and morphed into so many other things that it became stressful and hard. Now I can either carry on or call it quits… I don’t know what to do.
I know I should go with my gut and my heart but I’m so petrified of disappointing people that in the end it’s really holding me back.
I have to have an answer pretty soon, I know what I want to say… I want to say no, thank you but I can’t manage it right now. Life is too hard… and you know what? That’s okay! I know in my heart that it’s okay to struggle and to say no because it’s just too damn hard. It’s okay to choose yourself over other people. So why am I still struggling? I know that all of these things are okay… so why? I presume that this is something that gets to many people, I personally think it’s just part of life at this point, the way we grow up… so many choices and expectations put on us from such a young age. We are not taught to sit and listen to our heart, to breathe, to smile, to be grateful… humans are taught how to succeed and ultimately how to fail.
Today my Yoga teacher gave us a seed thought during meditation…. It was along the lines of, we are not happy when we don’t get what we want and we are not happy when we do get what we want. Finding the middle ground of being happy with what we have is the key.
I have a choice to make. I will come to my answer when I look at how my life will be changed if I say yes or no, then I will place myself in the middle… I will be grateful for my life now. I think the answer will come to me then.
Try to find that middle ground and I truly believe that when we stand present, looking at what we have, what we are blessed with then we won’t even have the need to find something that makes us happy because we’re probably surrounded by the things that make us happy already! Family! Our homes! Food! Nature! That tree you see over there, that tree can make you happy!
Find those things with me, find the middle ground with me… let’s be less hard on ourselves from now on. What do you think?
Until next time,
Namaste.
Paint and My Mat 