Hey everyone, I hope you are all staying safe and healthy out there.
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been feeling very motivated. I’ve been struggling with my own mental health and I can’t seem to get back into the flow of writing. All of my projects are waiting for my attention.
The festive season really did take it’s toll. I’ve been very tired, watching TV has been a big comfort and all I can think about is how much I miss my mom. I remind myself every day not to be too hard on myself. I know I’ve suffered great loss over the past few months and I need time to mourn but I feel like I’m just losing the need to do anything at all.
So, I’m trying to find and create the things that make me happy.
You know what makes me happy? Being outside in my garden makes me happy. The fresh air, the breeze on my skin… flowers smiling up at me, the earth grounding me. Having that time in nature is a life saver.
Flowers have always made me smile. My mother always had freshly cut flowers in the house. I made sure to have all of her favorite flowers in the garden so that she could make arrangements for the house.
We have always been blessed to have a garden. No matter where we moved, we always had a garden. There’s nothing like looking out your window and seeing big trees, colorful flowers and green grass. When I do my gratitude practices in the morning and at night, I always list my garden twice.
Another thing that makes me happy is Art.
Art has and always will be one of the most important things in my life. When I am feeling anxious, paranoid or sad I pick up a pen. Just a normal ballpoint pen and I sketch. Ballpoint pen is one of my favorite mediums. I don’t sketch out anything with pencil first, it’s just pen on paper. In the beginning it did intimidate me a bit but all I hear when I start doubting myself is my art teachers voice in my head. “There is no such thing as mistakes in art.” He never allowed us to use erasers, he hated erasers. If we wanted to practice certain techniques or get a hang of a new style then we had to use our sketchbooks but the minute we took to our final canvas, there were no more mistakes only happy coincidences.
I thought it was harsh and it did give me anxiety as a kid but if he never taught me that lesson, I know in my heart, I wouldn’t be as confident with my art as I am today.
The point wasn’t to make us perfect, it wasn’t to make our art perfect… he taught us that, so that we could accept the imperfection in or art. So that we could see that our “mistakes” were valuable.
So yes, my art is full of beautiful ”mistakes” and I embrace them. The ”mistakes” in my pieces make them more beautiful to me.
Finding things that make us happy is important. Finding helpful ways to get us through hard times is important. Our mental health is important. I have to remind myself constantly, that these things are important. So I start small… when I feel awful, I go and sit with my flowers, I wriggle my toes in the earth. Then I take out my pen and paper, I sketch for as long as I need to. After a while I feel myself become lighter.
What do you turn to when you feel all alone in the harsh world? What brings you happiness?
Remember to make time for the things that make you feel lighter. Now give yourself a tight hug, and know you are loved.
Until next time,