I find it so interesting how we are challenged when we embark on our healing journeys. I started my 21 days of self healing on the 3rd and its been wonderful. I’ve grown in so many ways but yesterday a trigger of mine popped up and I find my reaction interesting. I’m still overthinking it and irrational thought is trying very hard to make it’s way into my mind but the anxiety is less, the fear is less. I am so grateful for that. I know that I need to keep the faith and carry on with my healing, I know that this trigger is just another lesson and I need to grow through it. I don’t need to react to it. I don’t need to hop onto the worry train.
I’ve always felt that my paranoia and my anxiety is kind of like an addiction. I’ve been struggling with it for such a long time that I have no idea what life could be like without it. What is life like with no irrational fear? A big part of me is scared to find out. That’s why I’m finding dealing with this trigger a bit difficult, it would be so easy to fall back into that comfort zone of fear, intrusive thoughts and utter misery but I don’t want to feel scared anymore. It’s so tiring. At the same time I must not fall back into my old way of dealing with it, I must not fret and I realize that sounds an awful lot like worrying but I don’t mean it that way.
gerund or present participle: fretting
- 1. be constantly or visibly anxious. “she fretted about the cost of groceries” Similar: worry, be anxious, feel uneasy, be distressed, be upset, upset oneself, concern oneself.
- 2. gradually wear away (something) by rubbing or gnawing. “the bay’s black waves fret the seafront”
I fret, as in the second meaning. I feel like my old way of dealing with triggers was by rubbing at it, wearing it away, trying to make it go away by erasing it through relentless force. It was exhausting but I can feel myself trying to do that again.
Though I refuse to fall back into those old ways and I will continue to work through it. I will continue to do the things that have helped me thus far. I will continue on with my 21 days. I will be gentle. I will flow through it. I will show life that I’m willing to walk along with it, I will match it’s pace, I will hold it’s hand. I will not try to make it turn around or change.
So if you feel like you are constantly being challenged in your healing journey and you want to give up. Don’t. Just carry on, flow through it and keep healing. I believe in you.
Until next time,
Love and Light. 🙂