Hello Everyone! Yes, I am alive.
It’s been a rough couple of months and I’ve allowed myself the space to feel every emotion. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel. I stopped doing the things that were adding pressure and only focused on the things bringing me joy and peace.
I’ve been writing and editing everyday, reading loads of books and watching my favorite shows. I’ve been living life to the best of my ability. My birthday was last month, technically my second birthday without my mom but it felt like the first. In that room surrounded by my family I felt her absence deeply. Listening to everyone singing to me, I was searching for one voice in particular… a voice I will never hear again. Even though the celebration made my heart ache in ways I can’t explain, I was very grateful to see my family again. I miss them so much.
Life has pretty much lost meaning for me, so I hold onto the few things that still spark joy. Grief haunts my every move and I long for my lost loved ones. Seeing them in my dreams each night used to bring me joy but now it only makes me sad. So many words left unsaid plays on a loop in my head.
I’ve turned to simple exercises to keep me grounded. I have a notebook dedicated to all of my little exercises.
I know I am constantly talking about affirmations but they really work for me. I make sure to listen to ten to twenty minutes of affirmations every day.
I write a list of at least ten things I am grateful for every day.
Then I will either do a mind dump or I will set a timer for ten minutes and allow myself to journal about all the things niggling my brain. Then lastly if I feel up to it, I will do my What I Appreciate About My Life Right Now exercise. In this exercise you need to list all the things you love in the current season of your life. It’s not easy but it does make my situation a little lighter, and how on earth can I expect things to get better if I don’t appreciate the good things in my life right now?
So, I keep on going and I hang onto life as best as I can. I will remain being kind to myself and I will keep pushing myself to rejoice in the good times and the bad. I will remain open to all lessons and keep learning from them. I can feel the tides turning and I’m waiting in anticipation to see what this next chapter of my life will hold. I will try to keep this blog going, but I cant promise a consistent schedule.
Thank you for reading this little update and I hope you are well and staying safe out there. Sending much love to you all.
Until next time,
Love and Light.
Paint and My Mat 