Hey guys! I hope you’re staying sane out there!
Things are going better here. I have found hope again and boy am I holding onto it tightly. I love the feeling of being hopeful. I have woken up four days in a row feeling hopeful. When my mom passed away I thought I would never see the beauty in the world again. I felt there would only be darkness because she was my light. I still struggle but this hopeful feeling is encouraging me to start living again.
Losing my Aunt/Godmother so soon after my mom was crippling and since then there have been two more deaths close to us and my Uncle is extremely ill in hospital. Today my father lost a good friend of his suddenly. So the feeling of death is still heavy but at the same time I can see the new leaves on the trees, we are going into our spring, the birds are happy and there is birth all around me. A friend of mine just became a granny again. My little cousins keep growing and I have another little cousin on the way. There is death but there is also new life. I can see the beauty in that and I know I need to embrace both the light and the dark. I will continue to go with the flow of my emotions and when I am feeling good, I’ll allow myself to enjoy it.
It’s like a friend of mine was saying, (she lost her dad a few years ago.) there will be times when the emotions hit me so hard I’ll fall. I will miss my mom more than anything in those moments but at the same time I must remember that just because I am feeling good that doesn’t mean I have forgotten about her. I don’t need to feel guilty about it. (easier said than done, I know).
2020 has been a shit show for all of us and I am happy to say that I am looking forward to 2021, I am hoping for some good moments, lots of excitement and adventure. I will allow the hope to grow and flourish in my heart. I look forward to sharing good times with my family and friends. I am thankful for the wonderful future on it’s way to greet me.
I am sending you all loads of love and good vibes.
Until next time,