So, today I decided to do something I haven’t done in a long while! I picked up my paints and paintbrush. I want to get back to my art. I recently sketched a character that I liked the look of, crazy long neck, strange features… small mouth. I don’t know why I felt a connection to this character but I thought he deserved some color. So I sketched him again with a little more detail and I added some paint. I really like the look of him and I think I will be keeping him as a character to return to. The painting is still rather rough but I am happy with it as my return to art. I thought I would share what I did with you guys. The other painting was just a warm up to play with the paint and colors.
Have you guys been creating anything interesting?
Anyway, I hope you guys have been staying happy and healthy!
Life keeps throwing me curve balls. We have had yet another death in the family and I just can’t wrap my mind around the truth of 2020. Besides the deaths, I have been struggling with my anxiety and mental health too. Its been particularly hard over the past couple of months.
I have to keep reminding myself to come back to the present. I was listening to a wonderful podcast not long ago and it was reiterated over and over again that if we are struggling with anxiety or negativity then all we need to do is come back to the breath, come back to the moment. Automatically when we focus on our breath we are brought back to the present moment. That’s why in meditation we are told that during the practice, if our mind wanders then all we need to do is focus on the breath.
Coming back to the breath, back to yourself is so incredibly powerful but I find we forget to do it actively throughout our day. I am in the process of trying to train myself to keep coming back whenever my mind wanders too far. Too far being the past (especially the past) and the distant future, the fears of the future. I of course allow myself to think of the future in terms of positive goals and things I have to think about like making dinner but those aren’t harmful to my mental health. It’s when those niggling worries or the regrets resurface that I need to remind myself to turn away from that, and find my breath. It really is as simple as breathing. We are remarkable beings, it is so simple to find ourselves, to center ourselves but with all of the conditioning we have been through since birth, we find it difficult. I have been practicing meditation and yoga for many years now and I still struggle.
We need to be aware of our presence because ultimately we are the present moment. Everything that is happening in our body, all of our functions are happening now. If we are aware of ourselves, we realize that we are always present. Our thoughts need to center back to our bodies, to our energy, to our present. There is no point in fretting over the future or regretting our past because right now, our bodies are functioning. We are breathing, we are digesting, we are seeing, we can smell something. We are fine, we are safe in this very moment because we are alive and that is a blessing.
I can go on and on about this but ultimately, we don’t need to make it hard. It doesn’t have to be a chore. It doesn’t have to be scary. It is as simple as breathing and watching that breath, feel that breath. Place your hand on your tummy and breathe. Feel the air rush into your lungs as you breathe in, feel your rib cage expand and smile. The first time I practiced this, many years ago… I was in a really bad place mentally and I was told to meditate. I started with simple breathing exercises. Coming back to myself, to my breath and feeling the amazement, the miracle of my body brought me to tears. It was like I came home. Which I did.
So, I encourage you to do this. Go home to yourself today. Experience it with an open loving heart. Be present with yourself.
Things are going better here. I have found hope again and boy am I holding onto it tightly. I love the feeling of being hopeful. I have woken up four days in a row feeling hopeful. When my mom passed away I thought I would never see the beauty in the world again. I felt there would only be darkness because she was my light. I still struggle but this hopeful feeling is encouraging me to start living again.
Losing my Aunt/Godmother so soon after my mom was crippling and since then there have been two more deaths close to us and my Uncle is extremely ill in hospital. Today my father lost a good friend of his suddenly. So the feeling of death is still heavy but at the same time I can see the new leaves on the trees, we are going into our spring, the birds are happy and there is birth all around me. A friend of mine just became a granny again. My little cousins keep growing and I have another little cousin on the way. There is death but there is also new life. I can see the beauty in that and I know I need to embrace both the light and the dark. I will continue to go with the flow of my emotions and when I am feeling good, I’ll allow myself to enjoy it.
It’s like a friend of mine was saying, (she lost her dad a few years ago.) there will be times when the emotions hit me so hard I’ll fall. I will miss my mom more than anything in those moments but at the same time I must remember that just because I am feeling good that doesn’t mean I have forgotten about her. I don’t need to feel guilty about it. (easier said than done, I know).
2020 has been a shit show for all of us and I am happy to say that I am looking forward to 2021, I am hoping for some good moments, lots of excitement and adventure. I will allow the hope to grow and flourish in my heart. I look forward to sharing good times with my family and friends. I am thankful for the wonderful future on it’s way to greet me.
I am sending you all loads of love and good vibes.
How do you feel at this moment? With everything going on in the world, I often ask myself this question. How am I feeling right now? Often the answer is tired and lonely. Then, I remember that I am not alone at all, just outside my door, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the bees are buzzing. All I need to do to feel better is step outside.
You are not alone, I promise you that. The sun rises every morning, go and greet it. Feel the love radiating down from it. Kneel down and touch the grass, or the ground… feel it’s warm embrace. Nature loves us so much and yet we do not feel it. When I feel down I know that I can go outside, no matter where I am and find some love in the nature and elements around me. Perhaps a playful breeze or some rain, a flower or a bird singing it’s song. Go outside and feel that love!
You know that feeling when someone makes you feel as light as a feather. Makes you realize that there’s more to relationships, friendships, people and life. I treasure those feelings. In times as hard as these it’s important to hold onto the people that make your life extra special. The people that show up for you everyday, know that it’s okay to need space, respects different opinions and makes you feel safe…. hold on to those people.
I have been blessed with a few people like this but one in particular has been keeping me sane in these extremely hard times and I am so grateful. Tonight she brought the biggest smile to my face and my heart is actually feeling happy. I have no idea how long this will last but I’m going to enjoy it while it does. I was so taken by these good mushy feelings that I had to write about it.
So, if you ever feel this way… just sit in the good feelings, let them sink into your bones. Allow the good feelings, the fluttering, the love, the joy, the laughter… allow them to take over. Welcome them. There’s enough darkness in the world, you can afford to ponder on these good things for a little while.
I hope you are all well and safe out there. Sending loads of good vibes to everyone.
I have officially returned to my mat. My safe space.
I have been doing yoga everyday for a week now and I am very happy about it. I have missed being on the mat, I have given myself this week to get back into my practice. I step on my mat everyday, even if it’s just for ten minutes, even if all I do is stay in child’s pose, I am okay with that. I showed up for myself and I can’t help but feel a peace flourishing in my body and spirit. I am still hurting, mourning and I cry everyday but I know that while I am on my mat, it is a safe space to let all of those emotions out.
A few days ago, I decided to practice some Yin and I focused on my grief, on the heaviness in my heart and body. The power thoughts that guided me through the practice helped me break down. I didn’t realize how much I had been holding back and bottling for the past few weeks but a lot of it came out and that never would have happened if it wasn’t for my conscious decision to get back onto my mat and take my practice seriously again.
My body is becoming accustomed to the movements again, the flow is returning to my aching body and heart. I cry and feel all the pain while becoming stronger, inside and out. My mom always did yoga, she started when she was a very small child and she instilled the practice in me. We went to classes together, we meditated together and I know that she would want me to come back to myself. I am doing my best.
Yoga is a blessing in my life and I am so very thankful. I thought I would share this with you guys and I hope that you are all doing well, keeping safe and healthy.
Hi everyone, I have taken time to myself to mourn…. I thought it would be for the best, my Aunt passed away a month after my mom’s passing. So it’s been a time. At this point I feel like I need to try and get myself into a routine again, I will try to write more often, I will do my best to blog more and I have started a new project that I have been enjoying. I want to start working out again so it’s all rather…. good.
I have started counting my blessings again and doing my gratitude. I have beautiful friends and family. There are good things I have to start focusing on again. Life is super hard at the moment, besides what’s been happening in my own life. The state of the world is very worrying and my heart goes out to all of those who are suffering at the moment.
I just wanted to touch base with you guys, and say hello. I am alive and I am definitely going to start posting more regularly again. I do want to make some changes, add a few things and yeah, I have loads of ideas. I’m going to try and find my bliss and I want to keep you guys in the loop.
So, I’m going to leave this post here and I hope you are all staying healthy and safe. Don’t forget that you are amazing, loved and so special. YOU ARE ENOUGH!
So, here I am. If you didn’t know already my mother passed away two weeks ago. This has been an extremely challenging time. There have been endless tears, pain and relentless heartache. It was expected but the shock was unbelievable. I miss her more than I can say with words. That said, I just wanted to let you guys know that I am taking it one day at a time and I will be back to a more regular posting schedule.
I will hopefully stop crying for long enough to actually write a full post one day soon. So for now I will just wish you all a beautiful weekend. I hope you are all staying healthy and safe.
I know it’s been a long time but life fell apart. This had been the hardest week of my life and I wrote about it on My Shoes. So if you would like to have a read, please do. All I am going to say here is, please cherish your families, keep them close and love them with everything you’ve got. It hurts when you lose them.
I hope everyone has been keeping safe, it is super cold here so I’m trying to stay bundled up and warm. I am going to try and get into a normal routine again once life has settled down a bit. As always I am sending you all good vibes and love.
What are you grateful for today? As I have said so many times before. I think it is incredibly important to be grateful for what we have. For the good things in our lives, the things that make a difference. So I will share a few things on my list today. I woke up not feeling the best and life is not easy at the moment. My mom’s health is getting worse everyday. So here I am, I will list some of the things that I am grateful for today. I encourage you guys to make a list too. at least five things a day.
I am grateful for my body because it keeps me moving, it keeps everything working so that I can keep taking care of my family. I am grateful for my mother because moment I get to spend with her is a blessing. I am grateful for my family because they are there for me when I need them. I am grateful for the sun because sitting in the sun gives me energy and makes me feel so much better. I am grateful for my animals because they keep me smiling and positive. I am grateful for the food I eat everyday because it nourishes me and keeps me alive.
There’s a few from my list today. I hope you are all well and staying healthy. As always I am sending you love and light.