Grief

Hey everyone, how are you? I hope you’ve all had a beautiful week.

I thought I would write about grief today. I think at this point you all know what I have been through this year and I was just talking to one of my cousins, she lives overseas and I haven’t seen her since I was a kid but we have always stayed in touch. She messaged to check in on me and my dad. While we spoke I got to thinking about how I really feel. What my grief feels like and I explained it to her like this…
We all grieve differently and life tends to carry on. I can’t blame people for not standing still with me. So, it’s me and my dad, we’re alone, we’ve only got each other and we’re standing still for the moment. It’s tough but it’s better than forcing ourselves to walk before we’re ready.
That is what grief feels like for me. It feels like I am standing still while the rest of the world keeps moving on. I am in my own pain, standing still.

I hope you guys are okay and managing during these tough times. The world is a little crazy right now and I am sure we are all experiencing many emotions. I am sending out loads of love to everyone. Stay safe out there.

Until next time,

Namaste.

Life Right Now

Hiya everyone! I hope you have all been keeping safe and healthy!

I just thought I would give a little update on my life right now. I have been working really hard on my writing recently. I have had to make some tough choices and I am having to look at my life from a different angle.
So I have gone into October with a different game plan. I am focusing on my main goal which is getting my novel published but I am also doing Nanowrimo this year. I skipped the past couple of years but I am excited to partake this year. So I have been doing a lot of preptober stuff, which has been really exciting! I have been making playlists, mood boards, I’ve been outlining and focusing on research.

I have been grieving and writing, writing and grieving. Sometimes I am worried that too much of my grief is seeping into the book but that’s okay. That’s what editing is for. So, that is my life currently.

What have you been working on? Anything creative happening in your life? Creativity is the best isn’t it?

Sending you all so much love and good vibes!

Until Next Time,

Namaste.

Just Let Go.

Hiya! So, I disappeared again. Life has been a bit hard recently and I am sure everyone can relate to that but I don’t want to lose touch with my blog so, I will try to post at least once a month from now on.

I have been battling with depression and obsessive thoughts lately and I have found myself gravitating to my watercolors and gouache. My mind clears when I paint and I am so grateful that there is an activity that can keep me sane. We need silence and peace in our minds and I am constantly trying to find ways of calming my obsessive thoughts. Letting go is so important. I am guilty of forgetting to help myself find silence but when I do, it feels wonderful.

Here are some of my little creations.

It’s not much and it doesn’t have to be good. I paint for me and my mental health. I paint to let go. I hope you guys are giving yourselves the chance to let go too. These are difficult times and we need to give ourselves a break from the noise every now and then.

I am, as always, sending loads of love and good vibes to everyone on this beautiful planet. Stay strong and safe. Be gentle with yourselves and others.

Until next time,

Namaste.

Embrace The Change

So today I reached a bit of a breaking point and I realized I have to make a change. I need to start fresh. My mental health has been suffering and a lot of my old issues have come back. I have been suffering with flashbacks and I am in a constant state of fear and crippling anxiety. I’m glad I made this decision because now I can focus on a new start. There is a lot of change on it’s way but I have always loved change. I do pride myself in being very flexible and open to change. I am going to have to make some more difficult decisions in the near future but I think it’s all for the best and I look forward to seeing where the rest of the year will lead me. I hope that with the change I will be able to start healing properly.

Change can be wonderful and I often encourage people to embrace change. It can be very beneficial. Here is an affirmation for those who struggle with change.

I trust in life and I am safe in all situations. Change allows me to grow and flourish. All is well in my world.

How do you feel about change?

I hope you are all keeping well! Until next time…

Namaste.

Being Social

I keep amazing myself at how bad I am at socializing lately. I was taught from a young age how to interact with people and how to talk about multiple subjects but this year has screwed me up in that department. I am suddenly the most awkward weird person in conversation. I’m pretty sure it’s just because I have been out of practice since lockdown but it still shocks me every time. I got my hair cut yesterday and my stylist is an old school friend, so obviously she wants to catch up while doing my hair. I kept falling over my words, saying strange things. I even stuttered a couple of times. I can only shake my head at myself. Bless her though, she still wants to grab lunch one day soon. I’m probably being too hard on myself. But still…
This has been going on for a while now.

So what I’ve started doing is reading out loud. Mostly classics. I like to read more difficult pieces too, so that I can keep building my vocab which has dwindled lately. Language and speech is like anything else in life, you just need to practice!

Do you guys feel the same way? Has lockdown and the energies of the world kind of screwed up your ability to be around people, is talking an issue or is it just me?

Anyway, I thought I would air my feelings on this. I hope you guys are having a beautiful day.

Until next time,

Namaste.

Something Creative

Hi guys, I’ve been having a hard time. I have been second guessing everything, paranoia has been pestering me and my anxiety is high. Not to mention the grief. I want you guys to know that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to say it out loud. Know that you can sit with those emotions. Feel them. Your feelings are real, it’s part of what makes us human. Sometimes we just need to let it out.

So, with that said, there is something I enjoy doing when I’m feeling low and I want to change my energy. I do this when I have worked through the emotions and I want to move on.
I create mood boards with affirmations. It’s a fun, creative thing to do and I thought I would share a few that I created this evening. It just helps to shift my focus. Sometimes I create a playlist to go along with the mood boards too.

Doing something like this may seem silly at first but after a while you may get into it. It can be helpful to give something visual for the brain to latch on to and with the added affirmations it can make a huge difference. Just thinking up the affirmations can shift your energy completely. I make sure I am reminding myself to smile while doing this. I put on some of my favorite music (I’ve been on an Electropop and R&B kick lately.) I might dance around a little at my desk. The point of this is to distract myself and I find it very effective as long as I am doing it consciously.

Let me know if you guys try this. 🙂 I am sending you all good vibes!

Until next time,

Namaste.

Going Somewhere New.

Hey guys! I have escaped for a while. I forced myself to get out of the house. I think it was about time that I got some country air. I have been stuck in my house with no one to talk to for just over three months now. I am getting really tired of talking to myself and unfortunately my dogs can’t reply to my ramblings. (How cool would that be if they could though?)

So when my aunt invited me for a midweek getaway, I agreed to join her. It’s the first time I have left my dogs and my father since my mother passed. It’s been an emotional time. I cried for ages the first night. It just felt so wrong to be away from home. I phoned my father and then before I knew it we were both crying.
Grief is a funny thing, you never know when it might hit and when it does hit, it hits hard. My mother has been gone for three months now and I know that if I don’t start pushing myself to actually go out and do things and be with people, I’ll just live my life indoors. I will become more of a recluse than I already am. I know that my mom would have wanted me to carry on living, to do things and experience things. So here I am, sitting in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees and pretty birds.

I need to keep reminding myself that its good to get away, change my environment but its hard and I accept that. I have had a few breakdowns, it has been messy but I allow myself to feel the emotions.

I will be home tomorrow, back to my normal routine, so I will try to make the most of my last day here. I hope all of you are having a good week and I’ll post soon!

Until next time,

Namaste.

Finding Peace

Hello everyone! I hope you all had a good weekend.

In a recent post I spoke about coming back to your breath as a way of being in the present moment. I know that some people struggle with just relying on the following of the breath taught in meditation. I know that sometimes that isn’t helpful enough. I do suffer with a lot of anxiety and as I have said, coming back to the present moment is a fantastic way to move on form those disturbing feelings. Last night I was having horrible flashbacks of my mothers death and I tried to come back to my breath, follow it in and out to calm myself and come back to the moment, but the memories were unrelenting. So, I did something new and I wanted to share it with you. Maybe you will find it helpful too.

When, in a time of anxiety or negative thinking, see a candle in your minds eye. A bright shining flame dancing lightly. Focus on the flame and breathe deeply. Your thoughts may try to distract you, they may try to snuff out the flame but just remember that you can always come back to the flame. The flame is the present moment. When you need to come home to yourself. Just look at the flame. It’s as simple as that but I do find the visual helpful.

I hope this helps you too and I hope you are having a peaceful Monday. 🙂

Until next time,

Namaste.

Affirmations

Hey everyone! I hope you have all been staying safe and healthy out there!
I really want to get back to my practices. I have gotten back to my yoga and I have been working out everyday. (Chloe Ting has been killing me.)
I’ve also started painting again. Now I want to get back into my gratitude and affirmation practices. I also need to start meditating every day again.
Today I thought I would start with the affirmations. So I have put together a list of affirmations and I’m going to post it here!
Whenever I think of a new one I will add it to the list. 🙂
Feel free to use any of the affirmations that may resonate with you.

I AM ATTRACTING PEACE AND LOVE INTO MY LIFE
I AM SAFE IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE
THE UNIVERSE LOVES AND SUPPORTS ME, ALL IS WELL IN MY WORLD
I AM SURROUNDED BY LOVE AND KINDNESS
I LIVE A PEACEFUL LIFE

I AM SAFE
I AM LOVED
I AM CREATIVE
I AM SURROUNDED BY HAPPINESS AND LOVE
I AM SECURE
I AM INSPIRED BY LIFE
LIFE IS WONDERFUL AND ALL IS WELL
I AM ABUNDANT
I AM BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT
ALL IS WELL IN MY WORLD
I AM OPEN TO CHANGE
I GO WITH THE FLOW OF THE UNIVERSE
I AM STRONG
I ATTRACT GOOD THINGS INTO MY LIFE
I AM SURROUNDED BY WONDERFUL PEOPLE

That’s it for today. I will keep adding to this list.

Until next time,

Namaste.

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