Paint and My Mat

Feeling Grateful

Lately life has been happening very fast. I feel like I blink and everything has changed again. Not to mention how fast the time is going by. That reminds me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know it’s too late in January to say that but like I said, the time is flying and I am struggling to keep up.

Something that’s taken me by surprise over the past few months is how things just keep happening. They happen easily and flawlessly. Life has been handing me so many opportunities, positive experiences and wonderful change. So, even though it is stressful and often times extremely overwhelming… it’s also incredibly exciting and I am so grateful for all the good things.

So, when things happen… when things seem to fall in your lap… when things start working out just the way you wanted them to… just say thank you and accept it with a loving heart. Being grateful is a huge part of receiving, and if you want to receive then you have to remember to be grateful. Be grateful for everything, the big things and the tiny things.

So, lets keep the gratitude flowing and may this year be full of magic and happiness for us all.

I hope something beautiful happens to you today.

Chat soon, besties.

The Question On My Mind

Hey everyone,

I know I haven’t posted here for a long time. Life has just been completely crazy and I’ve been struggling to keep up with everything.

But today I was inspired to write a post. I had a really difficult day, mentally I am not okay. I am burning out, I’m sick at the moment and life isn’t slowing down. After a slight panic attack and a good cry I was left with one question floating around in my brain.

“Is this why I’m alone?”

I have a lot of issues and over the years after loads of trauma, it just got worse. I am in therapy, I have a wonderful therapist and I do the work… everyday I work with the tools I have to get through the day but…. but then something happens that turns me upside down and I’m left feeling completely helpless.

I have always needed assistance in life and I have always had it, then my mother passed away and I was left alone and scared. My father doesn’t understand how to help and he doesn’t have the time to help, so a lot of the time…. I just…flounder. Some days are better than others, some days I can get through without much hassle but then there are days like today. Luckily, I have one person who I can rely on in the really bad times but they also have a life and I feel bad asking them for help. Today I realized if I don’t ask for their help, I will pass out from the anxiety. I’m actually still feeling a little dizzy.

Anyway, they came to the rescue and they will assist me with my problem but this whole thing led me straight back to the question always niggling at the back of my mind…

“Is this why I’m alone?”

Now, this question makes sense in lots of ways. I push people away because I’m scared of them. I pull away from people because I’m scared of myself. People make me extremely tired because I have a spicy brain. I don’t trust anyone because of trauma. I have raging anxiety that stops me from living a normal life. I have a spicy brain that doesn’t understand why things are the way they are. I do not function like a normal human.

“Is this why I’m alone?”

Who would ever want to deal with my special brand of crazy and who would be willing to assist me in the ways that I need? And who the hell am I, to ask for assistance from anyone.

“Is this why I’m alone?”

I don’t know if I’ll ever have an answer to that question and I don’t know if that question will ever go away. But the logical part of my brain and my heart insists that just because I am different and just because I find life incredibly hard… that doesn’t mean I should give up and that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of receiving love and kindness from someone.

So if you feel the same way and you often find yourself asking… “Is this why I’m alone?” Just know that (and excuse the corn) you’re not alone. You deserve the love, support and kindness that you crave and that you need to function.

If you’ve read all this, thank you and I hope you know that you’re loved.

Until next time,
Love and Light

Exciting Things!

Hello Everyone!

My proof copy of the book is on the way!!! I can’t believe it! I saw pictures of my actual physical book and soon I’m going to be able to hold it in my hands!

I will of course post pictures here when it arrives! My emotions are just all over the place right now!

In other news, the book launch is pretty much planned and sorted. I just need to practice the chapter I will be reading and I need to keep sending out invites. I’m trying not to think about it too much though because it’s pretty scary. I am not good with crowds or talking to people let alone “public speaking”. I’m sure I will be okay though. I’m just going to take it one breath at a time.

I am still working on the newsletter, the first one will be sent out at the end of this month. I will post the link to the sign up form at the bottom of this post if you want to sign up for it.

Oh! I also managed to get my Author Profile on Goodreads all set up and the book is over there too, so feel free to follow me and add the book to your lists if you use Goodreads. 🙂

I’m pretty happy with how everything has been going, and I will continue to keep everyone updated.

I know this post didn’t have much in it but I had to post about my proof copy! I am so excited to hold it in my hands.

I hope everyone is well and thriving! I will post again soon!

**Click to sign up for the newsletter!**http://eepurl.com/h3paCD

Thank you for all the love and support!
Chat soon!

Hello? Can you hear me?

Hello! Yes, I am alive and well and walking around and talking and stuff. I know it has been a hot minute but things have been happening and every time I thought about blogging I just fell flat. I honestly don’t know how to continue with this blog because life has just changed so much, but I figure I can just keep doing what I’m doing.

I like having this little corner of the internet and I don’t see why I should change it. Now, where to start…

I am officially an author! My book came out a few days ago and I’m still a little dazed. I can’t believe it. The book is available on Amazon and on Kindle Unlimited, the printed copies should be ready in two weeks and then hopefully it will get into bookstores.

I am in the middle of planning a book launch and I’m so nervous. I have never been one for big social events and I’m painfully shy on the best of days. I’m also going to be at a book fair at the end of next month… again, so nervous. I just have so much happening and my brain wants to switch off. I know that in the end it will all be okay and it will all go well but…. but, I’m so scared. Having to do all of this without my mom has been daunting and not as fun as I imagined these moments to be, because she was supposed to be experiencing it with me. I wish… I wish…

Anyway, besides the events there’s the whole marketing side of things that I have been trying to get into. I have been posting on my socials like a crazy person and yesterday I managed to set up a newsletter! (it took me the whole day to figure it out…)

All in all I’m just a little bit stressed, very excited and completely overwhelmed.

I will link all the things here and I hope you all stick around for this crazy journey. I will do my best to blog more! I hope you are all well and thriving out there!

Love and Light!

(I forgot how I usually sign off on these things…)

Bye!

Life Update

Hey everyone!

I know it’s been a long time, I can’t seem to keep up with time and how fast things are happening. As you may or may not know, I am a writer. I write novels and it has been a lifelong dream of mine to publish my books. Writing is what has kept me going, it’s been a constant in my life, it’s kept me sane. Everything has just fallen into place and my first book Going Home is coming out this year! It still feels unreal, I have to pinch myself every now and then. Even though this happened a while ago, I still have no idea how to tell people. It feels like I’m living in a dream.

I am so grateful for the people that have been working on the book, they have made this process so wonderful and I feel so blessed. I will be doing a cover reveal next week and I am so excited! I think it will start to feel more real when I see the cover come to life. I can’t wait to share it with you all.

I will be posting more about the book over the next few weeks and I will announce the release date very soon. I will also be posting book content on TikTok and Instagram so feel free to follow me there for more fun updates.

I look forward to this journey and I am very excited to see what the future holds.

Until next time lovely humans,
Love and Light.

Feel free to follow me for more updates. 🙂

It’s a New Year

Happy New Year Everyone!
I wanted to write this post on the 1st but the days have just been running away from me. I hope everyone had a wonderful festive season!

I can’t believe another year went by so fast. I’ve been both excited and fearful of this new year. I’m getting closer and closer to the big 3…0 It’s strange to think about. This year I will be 29 and I still feel like a teenager. I feel like 2022, is the year that I need to really set the tone for next few years of my life. I need to start taking steps in the right direction.

2021 was heavy, I’m proud of myself for how much I’ve grown in the past year. Looking back I can clearly see how I have changed and I’m very grateful for those changes. Working through my issues has not been easy but it has been rewarding. It’s the small things… like I’m setting boundaries, I’m saying no, I’m masking less… I feel stronger because of these small things. So to others it may seem silly, I may seem worse from the outside (since I’m not masking as much)… I still don’t talk much, I hang back and prefer to be at home but what people can’t see is that for the first time in my life… I’m not judging myself like I used to… I’m okay with being at home, I enjoy being myself with the people I trust…. I’m allowing myself to feel.
So I say THANK YOU 2021.

There are so many things I would like to do and see in 2022. I have a lovely list of goals, and plans. I will continue to grow throughout this year, I will discover more about myself, I will allow myself to be free.

I hope you achieve all that you want to achieve this year… and may 2022 bring us healing, love and happiness. Every creature on this planet deserves it.

Happy New Year you beautiful beings… until next time,
Love and Light. 🙂

Change of Routine

Hello everyone and Happy December!
I can’t believe that December is here already!

With the start of December a new routine has begun and I am not loving it. I usually love change and I welcome it happily but change of routine is a whole other story for me. I don’t do well when that happens. My anxiety goes crazy. Even though I’m starting a new routine I feel like all I can do is just stand still, while my thoughts run wild! I am a creature of habit, what can I say?
So this month might be a challenge for me. I need to find a good flow and find little pockets of peace.

With that being said I am planning a stress free December and I plan on saying ‘no’ as often as I need to. I will be surrounding myself with pretty colors, music, good books and lots of rest. The goal is to go into the new year rested and ready.

I hope everyone reading this has a beautiful December and may the holiday season be filled with joy!

Until next time,
Love and Light.

Brain Not Working…

Do you ever feel like your brain just isn’t working. I’ve been feeling like this for weeks now… it’s like the thoughts are running away from me and I’m just too slow to catch them. It’s brain fog with an extra punch.

There’s so much I want to say and write, I’ve started so many sentences and they just end up no where, it’s such a strange feeling. I’m of course being gentle with myself and I never put too much pressure but I just wish I could get something out.
I think one of the things I miss the most about having a person constantly around is, the opportunity to talk. I go for hours without talking to anyone and that really has a weird effect on me. When I always had someone around, I would just talk about whatever came to mind and that really helped to keep my thoughts organized. Now I have no idea what’s going on in my brain.

It happened just now! I had a thought and now I’m just left with a blank expression on my face. Who knows what I wanted to say… it is gone forever. Anyway, I hope this gets better at some point, so that I can blog about something interesting!

Do you ever feel like this?

Until next time lovely people,
Love and Light.

Hello November

Hey everyone,

I can’t believe November is here! The time has just flown and I’m honestly finding it a bit dizzying.

This month is going to be a busy one. It’s NaNoWriMo, 50,000 words in a month! I always participate in Nano and I’m super excited to get started. I am also doing a little writing course again for fun this month. A few exciting things are happening but at the same time there’s a lot of change that I’m still trying to process. There will be a few goodbyes going into the new year and life might feel empty for a while but I’ll hold onto the hope that good things are on the way.

So for the next two months I will be focusing on my creative journey and nurturing my friendships. The goal is to start querying literary agents next year, so my writing comes first. I’ve also reconnected with an old friend and that’s been so amazing. My heart feels happier knowing that she’s back in my life, I’m also constantly trying to make new connections. I want to go into the new year feeling refreshed and safe in life.

I don’t really know what else to say, all I can say is “Hey universe, the year is coming to an end… please be gentle.”

I hope November brings us all huge amounts of happiness! Sending love and light to everyone.

Until next time,

Time On My Mat

So today I completely broke down on my mat. It’s happened before and it will definitely happen again in the future. If you’re open to it, yoga has a way of healing your wounds but as we know, to heal the wounds, we need to feel the pain. Today I felt the pain.

This morning I woke up in pain, my body was aching… it felt inflamed and battered. The minute I stepped on the mat I knew that todays practice was going to be hard. Through the first few poses I noticed that I was carrying a lot of emotions in my arms, which is kind of new for me. Every time a wave of energy moved through my arms and down into my hands grounding into the earth, I felt like crying. I was half way through the practice and I broke. I collapsed onto my mat, my arms failed me… and I let it go. I cried there for a good ten minutes and then I felt the peace flowing over me. I was still shaking but my arms felt lighter.

This is what my yoga practice is all about, it isn’t about sculpting my body or becoming as flexible as possible. My intention in my practice has always been to heal. When I step on that mat, I am opening myself to healing. It hurts and it can be scary but it’s also freeing. After my practice I ate some lunch and I decided to take a nice Reiki bath. Coconut oil, Rooibos, Oats, Lavender and Rosemary… topped with a big dose of loving Reiki energy.

I’m still tired but todays practices nourished me and helped me release some heavily clogged up energy. I am so thankful.

I just want to remind you that it’s okay to break down, it’s okay to cry… Your body needs that, it needs to release that energy so that the healing can begin. Bottling up our emotions is never a good idea, eventually it could make us sick.
Be kind to yourself, let it out and then see how it feels trying to let it go. I know it’s not easy to let it go, but at least be open to trying.

Sending you all love and light.

Until next time,
Namaste.