Paint and My Mat

Let Hope In

Hey guys! I hope you’re staying sane out there!

Things are going better here. I have found hope again and boy am I holding onto it tightly. I love the feeling of being hopeful. I have woken up four days in a row feeling hopeful. When my mom passed away I thought I would never see the beauty in the world again. I felt there would only be darkness because she was my light. I still struggle but this hopeful feeling is encouraging me to start living again.

Losing my Aunt/Godmother so soon after my mom was crippling and since then there have been two more deaths close to us and my Uncle is extremely ill in hospital. Today my father lost a good friend of his suddenly. So the feeling of death is still heavy but at the same time I can see the new leaves on the trees, we are going into our spring, the birds are happy and there is birth all around me. A friend of mine just became a granny again. My little cousins keep growing and I have another little cousin on the way. There is death but there is also new life. I can see the beauty in that and I know I need to embrace both the light and the dark. I will continue to go with the flow of my emotions and when I am feeling good, I’ll allow myself to enjoy it.

It’s like a friend of mine was saying, (she lost her dad a few years ago.) there will be times when the emotions hit me so hard I’ll fall. I will miss my mom more than anything in those moments but at the same time I must remember that just because I am feeling good that doesn’t mean I have forgotten about her. I don’t need to feel guilty about it. (easier said than done, I know).

2020 has been a shit show for all of us and I am happy to say that I am looking forward to 2021, I am hoping for some good moments, lots of excitement and adventure. I will allow the hope to grow and flourish in my heart. I look forward to sharing good times with my family and friends. I am thankful for the wonderful future on it’s way to greet me.

I am sending you all loads of love and good vibes.

Until next time,
Namaste.

Feel The Love

How do you feel at this moment? With everything going on in the world, I often ask myself this question. How am I feeling right now? Often the answer is tired and lonely. Then, I remember that I am not alone at all, just outside my door, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the bees are buzzing. All I need to do to feel better is step outside.

You are not alone, I promise you that. The sun rises every morning, go and greet it. Feel the love radiating down from it. Kneel down and touch the grass, or the ground… feel it’s warm embrace. Nature loves us so much and yet we do not feel it. When I feel down I know that I can go outside, no matter where I am and find some love in the nature and elements around me. Perhaps a playful breeze or some rain, a flower or a bird singing it’s song. Go outside and feel that love!

Until next time, and as always…
Namaste.

Do You?

You know that feeling when someone makes you feel as light as a feather. Makes you realize that there’s more to relationships, friendships, people and life. I treasure those feelings. In times as hard as these it’s important to hold onto the people that make your life extra special. The people that show up for you everyday, know that it’s okay to need space, respects different opinions and makes you feel safe…. hold on to those people.

I have been blessed with a few people like this but one in particular has been keeping me sane in these extremely hard times and I am so grateful.
Tonight she brought the biggest smile to my face and my heart is actually feeling happy. I have no idea how long this will last but I’m going to enjoy it while it does. I was so taken by these good mushy feelings that I had to write about it.

So, if you ever feel this way… just sit in the good feelings, let them sink into your bones. Allow the good feelings, the fluttering, the love, the joy, the laughter… allow them to take over. Welcome them. There’s enough darkness in the world, you can afford to ponder on these good things for a little while.

I hope you are all well and safe out there. Sending loads of good vibes to everyone.

Until next time,
Namaste.

My Safe Space

I have officially returned to my mat. My safe space.

I have been doing yoga everyday for a week now and I am very happy about it. I have missed being on the mat, I have given myself this week to get back into my practice. I step on my mat everyday, even if it’s just for ten minutes, even if all I do is stay in child’s pose, I am okay with that. I showed up for myself and I can’t help but feel a peace flourishing in my body and spirit. I am still hurting, mourning and I cry everyday but I know that while I am on my mat, it is a safe space to let all of those emotions out.

A few days ago, I decided to practice some Yin and I focused on my grief, on the heaviness in my heart and body. The power thoughts that guided me through the practice helped me break down. I didn’t realize how much I had been holding back and bottling for the past few weeks but a lot of it came out and that never would have happened if it wasn’t for my conscious decision to get back onto my mat and take my practice seriously again.

My body is becoming accustomed to the movements again, the flow is returning to my aching body and heart. I cry and feel all the pain while becoming stronger, inside and out.
My mom always did yoga, she started when she was a very small child and she instilled the practice in me. We went to classes together, we meditated together and I know that she would want me to come back to myself. I am doing my best.

Yoga is a blessing in my life and I am so very thankful.
I thought I would share this with you guys and I hope that you are all doing well, keeping safe and healthy.

Until next time,
Namaste.

I’m Alive!

Hi everyone, I have taken time to myself to mourn…. I thought it would be for the best, my Aunt passed away a month after my mom’s passing. So it’s been a time. At this point I feel like I need to try and get myself into a routine again, I will try to write more often, I will do my best to blog more and I have started a new project that I have been enjoying. I want to start working out again so it’s all rather…. good.

I have started counting my blessings again and doing my gratitude. I have beautiful friends and family. There are good things I have to start focusing on again. Life is super hard at the moment, besides what’s been happening in my own life. The state of the world is very worrying and my heart goes out to all of those who are suffering at the moment.

I just wanted to touch base with you guys, and say hello. I am alive and I am definitely going to start posting more regularly again. I do want to make some changes, add a few things and yeah, I have loads of ideas. I’m going to try and find my bliss and I want to keep you guys in the loop.

So, I’m going to leave this post here and I hope you are all staying healthy and safe. Don’t forget that you are amazing, loved and so special. YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Until next time,

Namaste.

One Day At A Time.

So, here I am. If you didn’t know already my mother passed away two weeks ago. This has been an extremely challenging time. There have been endless tears, pain and relentless heartache. It was expected but the shock was unbelievable. I miss her more than I can say with words. That said, I just wanted to let you guys know that I am taking it one day at a time and I will be back to a more regular posting schedule.

I will hopefully stop crying for long enough to actually write a full post one day soon. So for now I will just wish you all a beautiful weekend. I hope you are all staying healthy and safe.

Until next time,

Namaste.

New Post

I know it’s been a long time but life fell apart. This had been the hardest week of my life and I wrote about it on My Shoes. So if you would like to have a read, please do.
All I am going to say here is, please cherish your families, keep them close and love them with everything you’ve got. It hurts when you lose them.

I hope everyone has been keeping safe, it is super cold here so I’m trying to stay bundled up and warm. I am going to try and get into a normal routine again once life has settled down a bit. As always I am sending you all good vibes and love.

Until next time,

Namaste.

What Are You Grateful For?

What are you grateful for today? As I have said so many times before. I think it is incredibly important to be grateful for what we have. For the good things in our lives, the things that make a difference.
So I will share a few things on my list today. I woke up not feeling the best and life is not easy at the moment. My mom’s health is getting worse everyday. So here I am, I will list some of the things that I am grateful for today. I encourage you guys to make a list too. at least five things a day.

I am grateful for my body because it keeps me moving, it keeps everything working so that I can keep taking care of my family.
I am grateful for my mother because moment I get to spend with her is a blessing.
I am grateful for my family because they are there for me when I need them.
I am grateful for the sun because sitting in the sun gives me energy and makes me feel so much better.
I am grateful for my animals because they keep me smiling and positive.
I am grateful for the food I eat everyday because it nourishes me and keeps me alive.

There’s a few from my list today. I hope you are all well and staying healthy. As always I am sending you love and light.

Until next time,

Namaste.

How We Change and Grow.

I find it amazing how we change. We are constantly changing which is amazing! That’s how it’s supposed to be! How sad would it be if we are just the same person for years and years until the day we die. I think as humans we need to change, we learn, we grow and I find that the most beautiful part of being human. Old parts of us die and new parts bloom. That doesn’t mean we lose the core part of who we are it just means we are improving ourselves, settling into ourselves.

One of the ways I have changed over this past year is I have been craving the daylight, the morning sun… it makes me happy. There is of course the charm of night but mostly I just like to sleep at night so that I can wake up to a new beautiful day. I have in many ways become more hopeful. Which is lovely. I have been finding more comfort in the ways I have changed. I have been pushing myself to learn and try new things. When we welcome change, there is so much more to learn. Ultimately I want to be the best version of myself. I am the only one who can create that for myself. You need to love you, you need to nurture yourself.

Finding Love For Yourself.

One other thing I want to mention here is loving yourself because it goes hand in hand with changing and growing.
It is true…. How can someone else love you if you don’t love yourself? Louise Hay speaks of this often. I always encourage people to read her books, I have learnt so much from her.
Anyway…
If you don’t love yourself, you are always going to doubt the love others have for you. You will probably start fights or feel horrid about the relationship or friendship because you won’t believe their love. You need to love yourself first. That doubt will fester and break up your relationship or friendship. You won’t be fulfilled until you love yourself. Give yourself the respect and love that you are looking for from others. Your life will become so much brighter and you will be able to shine. No one will ever know you better than yourself. You know what you need.

I’m going to leave this here but I am as always sending you all so much love and light.

Until next time,

Namaste.

Have A Cup Of Tea

There are times when I am so dead on my feet. I want to give up and just sleep all day long. I know that I can’t do anything like that. I can’t just run away, I can’t stop living and ultimately I don’t want to but I’m sure you can all relate, there are times when life is just too much. When it hurts to breathe, to carry on, to keep smiling. There is no shame in that. Being human is hard. Living is hard but I try to remember the good things, the things that make me want to carry on, that make me smile, that keep me standing and moving. It is so important that we give ourselves the chance to believe in life again. 🙂

Life is so beautiful, it is magical and full of love and wonder. There is so much to appreciate and be thankful for. So the first thing I do when life is too much, when life is suffocating me… I make a cup of tea or coffee. I sit down with my delicious hot drink and allow myself a moment. I take a moment to breathe, to enjoy something simple and easy. Something comforting.

I want you all to know, that no matter what your life is like or what kind of hardships you have, your feelings matter and it’s okay to feel sad, or anxious, or however you’re feeling but remember to come back to yourself. Give yourself a big hug. Allow yourself a moment to feel better. Do something you enjoy. Find that time. Life wont fall apart and stop if you take a moment for you.

I am sending you all love and good vibes.

Until next time,

Namaste.